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urprise no one that Lori, 13, generally wakes up at 6:00 am to plan her outfit for the day. Or that she often checks in with her two closest friends. But according to * Tracy Fontaine, a New York City elementary school teacher, in about a year or so, she may well stop doing that.

“In middle school kids want to be like each other,” explained. “They want to fit in with the crowd, not stand out. Quite often, by the time they hit high school, they’re more willing to branch out and be more independent in the way they think–and the way they dress. They usually have a larger peer group and more defined interests.”

For moms whose kids will only wear Abercrombie polos or a certain style of Levis jeans, that may be hard to believe. And while that behavior may not disappear entirely (Hey, so you’ve never coveted/worn/saved up for a certain designer label?) teens sometimes feel like they have more options as they get older.

One reason may be that as kids get more confident, they don’t feel the need to stick so closely to what they think others want them to wear—they’re more likely to opt for what they want to wear.

“There are so many influences today it’s hard to know where or how kids get their ideas,” admitted one Westchester mom. Trends move so quickly—from TV shows, celebrities, movies, raps stars–it’s hard for adults to follow.

It’s equally hard for the teens themselves sometimes. “My friends and I like to read the fashion magazines to see what’s out there, but we also like to look on certain websites that carry clothes but also show pictures of celebrities and stuff,” admits Diana, 14. “Each season there are usually these really influential shows and you kind of get your cues from there.” But she also admits that it’s hard to keep up—financially as well as fashion wise. “You can’t buy everything,” she laments. “But for some people it’s really important and they’ll, like, judge you if you wear the wrong thing.”

James, 15, who mostly wears polos and khakis or jeans, says he likes Abercrombie shirts not just because it’s fashionable, but because he likes the range of colors and the fit. He swears that if blindfolded, he could tell the difference between his favorite shirt and a different brand. (We have yet to put it to the test.)

Some brands seem to have enormous staying power (Uggs anyone?), but the ante is also continually upped, as teenage girls aspire to a new Marc Jacobs bags or the newest style of Juicy this or Junk Food that. Since characters in TV shows such as “Gossip Girl” are excessively fashion-conscious, that often translates to real life. (Never mind that the show is a fantasy, as emphasized by a number of moms.) It doesn’t seem to matter–they’re the arbiters of cool, and cool often means status labels and high prices.

In an era when entire magazines are given over to shopping or what celebrities are wearing, it’s hard not to be assaulted by it at every turn, and for teens, already insecure, to feel like they have to follow along in order to fit in.

Many kids—especially girls– find trying to keep up to be hugely stressful (as do their parents, thank you very much.).

“I sometimes wish I wore a uniform!” admitted one girl sheepishly. But kids want to be in the know, to be perceived as hip and aware, to be in the vanguard, or at least the group trailing closely behind–of what defines the look of the moment. Of such stuff is teenage life often made, as they struggle to figure out who they are and how they want to be perceived.

Yet pity the poor parents, for whom trends often have unintended consequences:

“I don’t mind the layered look my daughter goes in for,” one suburban Connecticut mom explains. “But the problem is that it means so much more laundry!”

*Names have been changed

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